Frustrated.

Aaaaaaarghh!

Damned women and their damned ways!

All I am saying is that when you say you are going to do something, DO IT! And if you don't, have the good courtesy to call or write and explain yourself. And here's a novel thought - apologize for the inconvenience.

One of the major obstacles to dating a 20 year old is overcoming the default selfishness that comes from being completely obsessed with yourself and your feelings.

You're busy and stressed. I get that. I can feel that way too. But I still write or call and check in with the other person. It's just basic, common courtesy. That and Digital Watches are sometimes the only think that separates us from the lowland gorillas.

Ugh.

This might not work after all.
I noticed 45 minutes after she was supposed to call, that she didn't And I stayed up until 1am, waiting for the call that never came. And I hated myself for wanting to hear from her, as badly as I did. And of course, this morning, the first thing I did was write her an email, asking for an update. And I've spent all of my free time today, reading her blog and getting to know her better. I crave contact with her. Actual contact and all I have are old blog entries to keep me company.

The email that I got from her today, chalking her absence up to a "period of intense activity and a desire to hide from everyone, in general". No apology anywhere in there. And if I push for one, I look like an asshole or drive her away.

Fuck it.

I need to get angry about this and establish a little control over myself. No more reading her blog for today. No more checking email every 20 minutes, looking for something from her. And no more harassing her for contact. If she wants something from me, then she can take the effort to come find me. I have other options, you know. Other girls who AREN'T wasting time we are together, by explaining how attracted they are to me and why we shouldn't be together.

One of these days, you're going to convince me that you're right and then where will you be? Sitting alone on the island of "I told you so" for no good, goddam reason.

Fuck it.
Fuck her.

I don't have the mortal time left on this planet to waste another day pining for the girl who doesn't have the good sense to enjoy my attentions.

"Honestly baby, sometimes you make me want to do this to myself."

COB out...